Now that the ballots have been cast in the POPS election, it’s time to start thinking about preparing for hibernation.
Here’s a review of the all-important position of Keeper of the Nut:
Band’s new song, “Put a Leash on It” sparks controversy
Wednesday Rewind
Original publication date: 20 November 2012
The Park’s Canine community is threatening to boycott all music by the controversial band, Les Chiens Débraillés, after the release yesterday of its new song, “Put a Leash on It.”
In an open letter to the band and its management and to the Canine Music Association (CMA), DoGGeD, a newly-formed group of “concerned Park Canines” wrote of their “dismay and feelings of dejection” when they heard the song.
“We are writing to let you know that we find the song’s message offensive and condescending. In releasing this song, Les Chiens Débraillés has alienated its fellow Canines and, in so doing, shown its lack of taste in both music and intraspecial relations,” the letter read.
In response, Philippe Chiendeur, the band’s manager, released a one-line statement saying that the band does not comment on “the meaning or message of any of its musical material”.
Canine Music Association President R.F. Aarrf also released a short statement. In it, he said the CMA does not deal directly with complaints from “disgruntled individuals or groups.” The last controversy the CMA was involved in was the dispute between the Association of Park Radio Stations and the popular Park band The Cynics, after the APRS pulled a Cynics song from the airwaves.
Earlier today, however, The Marsupial Messenger’s acclaimed music reviewer Pierre Sucre came to the defense of the band. In a short column, he wrote that DoGGeD “has it all wrong.”
“Leaving aside the stereotype that Canines have no sense of humour, this group [DoGGeD] has completely missed the point of the Chiens Débraillés song. To the rest of us, the song is a lament. It’s about the economy, stupides, and the effects the downturn has had on our sense of independence. In my opinion, the song isn’t even about Canines. It’s about trying to survive in a world in which we do not have complete control over our lives,” Sucre wrote.
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See also:
Association pulls Cynics’ song from airwaves
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Animals celebrate as newspaper declares Humans extinct
Wednesday Rewind
Original publication date: 4 June 2013
Park Animals broke into a spontaneous celebration yesterday, after the Insect Intelligencer declared the Human species to be extinct.
In a bold headline splashed across its front page, the Intelligencer announced, “Human species extinct scientific body confirms.”
The headline and related story turned out to be a hoax perpetrated on the paper and The Park by two of the daily’s reporters. In a statement on the paper’s web site, editor-in-chief Fannia di Volo apologized to the public for the distasteful prank and assured Park residents that the two reporters, whose names have not been released for security reasons, have been dismissed. The article was published without bylines.
“Their actions will be dealt with in the near future,” the statement concluded.
Within a few hours, all copies of the paper had been pulled from Park stores and di Volo had contacted all subscribers and media outlets to advise them of the situation.
di Volo confirmed later in the day that a “full-scale” internal investigation of the incident had been launched. Some related associations and agencies, including the Centre for the Study of Newspaper Activity in The Park (C-SNAP), and the Association of Non-Mammalian Park Newspapers (ANMPN) have begun their own investigations.
Nathan R. DiPressa, Editor-in-Chief of The Reptile Register and Executive Director of the ANMPN said he was distressed by the incident, calling it “vile” and a threat to all Park newspapers.
“Our credibility is at stake here,” he said. “This is a very serious breach of protocol and ethics.”
One of The Park’s oldest newspapers, The Insect Intelligencer was once considered one of our most authoritative and upstanding dailies. But, plagued by problems and scandals over the past few years, the paper has changed course several times and some say it appears to have lost its footing. Two years ago, it ceased publication temporarily due to a scandal and the arrest of five of its reporters. The scandal and the subsequent suspension of its popular Fly on the Wall feature resulted in a marked decrease in the paper’s readership. As of yesterday, there were no plans to alter the format or mission of the paper.
See also:
Scandal rocks Insect Intelligencer
One Human dead, reporter held for questioning outside Park
Archons at work behind scenes to secure reporter’s release
New device may help distinguish news from entertainment
Wednesday Rewind
Original publication date: 23 April 2012
Is it news or is it entertainment?
That is the question that many Park Animals are asking, as the boundary between the two, in both broadcast and print media, becomes increasingly blurred.
Enter KartalTechSolutions, S.A. and their revolutionary new device, the Verifyzer™, which company executives claim solves this “modern dilemma” almost instantly.
“This new instrument will tell you, within five seconds, whether what you’re reading or watching is news or entertainment,” said President and CEO, Fikret Kartal, at the product’s launch this past weekend.
On hand at the outdoor launch, which doubled as a pop-up Verifyzer™ retail store, were many representatives of The Park’s media community, as well as some faculty members of the Cuthbert School of Journalism at the University of West Terrier. Many were eager to voice their skepticism of KartalTech’s claims about the new device.
“The company bases the success of this device on a number of assumptions, the most important of which is that there is an objective — and detectable — difference between so-called news and entertainment,” said Journalism Professor and author, Ludwiga Saimiri. “This is something that journalists strive to define every day of their working lives, but it is not something about which, as yet, anyone can make a definitive pronouncement.”
Noburu Akita, Executive Director of the Centre for the Study of Newspaper Activity in The Park (C-SNAP) was even more adamant:
“There is no such thing as anything [being] objective in the newspaper business,” he said. “These definitions are fluid, they change with the seasons…with the generations; unfortunately, one Animal’s news is, sometimes, another Animal’s entertainment. And vice-versa.”
Also present at the launch was Rodolfo van de Gier, President of the Association of Media Outlets of The Park (AMOP). Among other things, he took issue with the company’s guarantee of an accuracy rate of 92 per cent.
“The only thing any device can do, as far as I know,” said van de Gier, “is detect the presence of, for instance, celebrities’ names in a print or voice report. But that isn’t necessarily an indication of the nature of the report. Whether you want to admit it or not, celebrities can be involved in ‘real’ news and, sometimes, ‘real’ news can be enormously entertaining,” he said.
In response to van de Gier’s remarks, a KartalTech spokesAnimal, issued this statement:
“With due respect to the AMOP President’s remarks, technology has come a long way from merely detecting names. I invite Mr. van de Gier to attend a full demonstration of our device and to see, for himself, what our new age has to offer.”
While van de Gier has, thus far, made no reply, the Verifyzer™ is scheduled to hit Park stores at the beginning of May.
Popular Park restaurant shut down by health inspectors
Wednesday rewind
Original publication date: 9 October 2009
The popular Park restaurant, The Compost Heap, was shut down by health inspectors early this morning after several of its patrons fell ill on Tuesday.
Seven Animals, who describe themselves as “regulars” at the twenty-four-hour eating establishment, reported feeling “violently ill” and were taken, separately, by the Elephant Emergency Brigade (EEB) to the Park Hospital. All were treated for gastrointestinal problems. Two Animals remain in hospital, while the other five have returned to their abodes.
According to Inspector Konrad Eule, head of The Park’s Commercial Food Safety Bureau (CFSB), the Animals fell ill several hours after ingesting food served at the restaurant. Inspector Eule said his agency, which has close ties to The Park’s Department of Well-Being and Safety, is treating the incident as a food safety issue unless it uncovers evidence of suspicious or criminal activity.
“We are currently investigating with regard to food preparation and storage, but we have sent samples to the laboratory for testing and we are on alert for signs of tampering,” he said at a press conference held this morning. He dismissed rumours that chemicals were found in the food and criticized such statements as “inflammatory and, generally, unhelpful.”
At the press conference, the restaurant’s manager, Winifred D. Raccoon, reading from a prepared statement, said that the restaurant “values its clientele beyond measure” and will do everything in its power to ensure that its food is safe. The restaurant’s owner, Gilbert Bartholomew Ratte, was not available for comment.
Asked whether the incident would affect The Park’s upcoming food festivals and other celebrations, the Inspector said he did not believe there was any reason to delay any events “unless and until we receive results that would prompt such action.” He warned, however, that even though most food establishments adhere to The Park’s strict safety code, Animals should always be vigilant when eating away from home.
Cynics to break silence on Toro Talk Radio
Wednesday Rewind
Original publication date: 4 April 2010
The Association of Park Radio Stations (APRS) has pulled one of the Cynics’ most controversial songs from the airwaves of its member stations.
The APRS, whose members include CLucK Radio, Marine Mammal Radio, Reptile Radio, Radio Drone, bRraydio 4, and Chitter, issued a memorandum early this morning, ordering the stations to cease play of The Cynics’ song, “Mothers don’t let your puppies grow up to serve Humans.”
The song, which was originally recorded as “Bitches, don’t let your puppies grow up to serve Humans,” formed part of the group’s debut collection, Eat Your Food. First released in 24 AZ (2006), the collection was re-released in digital form in January of this year. Since then, it has set sales records in The Park, beating out Stuffed Dogs Don’t Shed, by the popular group, Thisbe and the Barkettes. The song has been controversial for years, but has garnered significantly more interest in the last few months.
At a press conference held following an ad hoc meeting at the offices of the Canine Music Association, CMA president, R.F. Aarrf, expressed dismay at the APRS decision.
“This [directive] is censorship, plain and simple,” he said. “And there is no room or reason for this kind of censorship in The Park.”
Aarf went on to challenge the APRS to a public debate on the song, in particular, and on censorship, in general.
“We want to receive a clear statement of what our radio stations believe to be sounds that are acceptable for the delicate ears of Park citizens,” he said.
In a terse reply, the APRS stated that songs it deems to “incite hatred or violence among Animals” will continue to be monitored and/or pulled from the airwaves of member stations.
“Our mandate is to bring to the attention of Park citizens music and lyrics that are born of Park talent. This mandate does not extend to censorhip, per se, but it does include a responsibility to all Park Animals to protect them from music that incites hatred and/or violence or that could, in some way, threaten our peaceful co-existence in The Park. Despite protests from some quarters, we have no intention of shirking this responsibility,” the statement read.
The Cynics, meanwhile, have remained mum about the controversy. But, in a note on their web site, posted 23 January, the group acknowledges that it has lent its support in the past to an unnamed anti-Human group in The Park. The musical group claims to have decided, however, to “leave politics to the politicians” and to expend “one hundred percent of its energy” on music.
Wednesday Rewind: Controversial new “game” lets Animals experience capture, domestication
Wednesday Rewind
Original Publication Date: 23 October 2014
A new game that bills itself as “the extreme Animal experience” is being criticized by many, including some of The Park’s citizen aid and action associations.
The game, which is called Kokemus!, was created by KartalTechSolutions, S.A. in association with Geoffrrey’s Cat Entertainment. This is the first time that Geoffrey’s Cat Entertainment, best known for their award-winning film, Black Cats Can’t Jump, has ventured outside the world of film.
In a statement released today, leaders of the majority of The Park’s immigrant and refugee aid groups came down hard on the game, saying it “traumatized the young, caused and promoted fear, and made light of the real experiences suffered by Park Animals.”
Angus Deerhound, media relations representative for Runaway Rovers, a group that assists formerly domestic Canines, called the game “despicable” and suggested that it be outlawed as soon as possible.
“If the creators of this game knew anything about the situations they depict as fictional, they would never have produced such a thing. It is an insult to any Animal who has survived enforced domestication,” he said.
Inez Gallina, President of Home to Roost, echoed Deerhound’s sentiments this morning in an interview on CLucK Radio.
“They [the creators] must be heartless to suggest that it’s fun to put Animals through the kind of trauma that we see every day,” she said.
But Talia Katsikas, Founder and Director of the Working Wounded Performing Arts Company, praised the game.
“Anything that raises awareness of the plight of those who have experienced enforced domestication or suffered the pain and loneliness of immigration, is a positive thing, in my view. The more they play that game, the greater will be their understanding of many of our fellow citizens. We should all welcome any opportunity to spend some time in another Animal’s coat,” she said.
Park to host first media circus this weekend
Wednesday Rewind:
Original publication date: 29 July 2011
In an effort to acquaint citizens, residents, and visitors with the important work that they do, The Park’s various media outlets will host a circus this weekend at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre.
An open invitation, posted at the Wishing Well by Rodolfo van de Gier, President of the Association of Media Outlets of The Park (AMOP), encourages “all Animals who reside, frequent, or visit The Park,” to come out this weekend to meet the press.
“[We think that] all Animals should avail themselves of the opportunity to meet those of us who work in the media, especially the reporters. These are the Animals who struggle against seemingly insurmountable odds and who put their lives at risk every day to bring back accurate accountings of goings-on, both inside and outside The Park,” van de Gier said in an interview on PBC Radio this morning.
The two-day event is the first of its kind in The Park. Every Park newspaper, magazine, radio, and television station will be represented in some form. In addition, the AMOP president said, there will be “fun and games” for both young and old. These will include a chance to “play reporter” by covering your choice of a mock trial at the Court House, a disease outbreak at The Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm, or a play opening at the Burrow Theatre. Other mock events planned are hosting a radio interview, following a police chase, and rummaging through a celebrity Animal’s garbage.There will be many prizes awarded, as well, van de Gier said, and the top prize will be the chance to be interviewed on Toro Talk Radio by host Yannis Tavros.
For those who find the event so riveting that they are moved to make a career change, representatives of UWT’s Cuthbert School of Journalism will be on hand to explain just what is involved in training for a career in media.
Who: Representatives of all Park media outlets
What: Media Circus
Where: Ancient, Open-Air Theatre
When: July 30-31
Why: Meet the press, ask questions, learn about media, play reporter, have fun
Hibernation and estivation benefit the economy in many ways: PASS
Wednesday Rewind
Original publication date: 4 September 2014
Hibernation and estivation are good for The Park’s economy, according to a report released today by the Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS).[pullquote]There seems to be less tolerance these days for the differences among us.” – Wellington Whistlepig, PASS President[/pullquote]
PASS released the report less than two weeks before our estivating population is scheduled to return to full participation in Park life.
“The timing is not insignificant,” said Wellington Whistlepig, president of the Association.
“They’re a beleaguered bunch [estivators] and we thought we could use the findings in this report to offer them a proper welcome back to life.”
Whistlepig, who is himself a hibernator, said the last few years have been difficult for Park Animals who hibernate or estivate.
“We and our way of life have been under siege for a number of years, ever since the economic downturn, in fact,” he says. “There seems to be less tolerance these days for the differences among us.”
That was the one of the main reasons that PASS decided to commission a report on the subject.
“Some of our numbers were used in another report that was released in the Spring. It showed some gains in the fourth quarter of 2013 which were attributed to the delay in the official hibernation date and that led to the conclusion that hibernation was a drag on the economy.
As Association president, I felt that our numbers had been misconstrued, so I asked for a full accounting from our members. They were very enthusiastic in their agreement to participate,” he says.
Whistlepig says the new report, which analyzes figures from 2008-2013, demonstrates definitively that hibernation benefits The Park’s economy.
“First of all, it creates jobs on a regular basis. Every job a hibernator or estimator holds has two Animals performing it,” Whistlepig says.
“Now, to those who consider that a drag on the economy, we say ‘think again.’ That’s two Animals who have currency to spend in our shops and for our services. And one of those two Animals needs to prepare for say, hibernation, before and after. Those are purchases that wouldn’t be made, otherwise. There are shops that cater to hibernators and estivators and they wouldn’t exist without those customers,” he contends.
Whistlepig says our hibernating and estivating citizens should be seen for what they are: a stimulating presence, both economically and culturally.
“We hope this report puts this foolishness to rest,” he says.
The Association’s full report will be made available to the public next week.
Starting in September, join us for our weekly Wednesday Rewind!
As of September, visitors to The Mammalian Daily’s main web site will be able to enjoy our Wednesday Rewind along with our Facebook and Twitter followers.
Every Wednesday, we’ll post an article from a bygone era. You’ll know it’s a Wednesday Rewind article when you see the symbol on this article.
So, enjoy your weekly blast from the past, compliments of The Mammalian Daily’s chief archivist. See you in September!
