The Mammalian Daily

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OTD in 2013—Otter Ice Slide in jeopardy as victim released from hospital

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The future of the Otter Ice Slide hangs in the balance, as representatives of The Park Weather Office meet tomorrow with the 2013 Archons, Park Finance Officers, and officials from the Department of Well-Being and Safety to discuss the coming year’s budget and planned allocations for weather purchases.

The special meeting will occur just four days after the release from hospital of Boldizsar Vidra, whose tragic accident on the Ice Slide in early January forced the shutdown of that recreational facility for the remainder of the season.

Vidra faces a long convalescence but is expected to make a full recovery, according to a statement released by the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm. But the Ice Slide may never be deemed safe to reopen, after a DWBS investigation found that weather conditions in The Park for the past few Winters have failed to meet the standards for maintaining natural ice surfaces.

“The past few years have seen increasingly warm temperatures in The Park, which we believe are due to budget cutbacks and the misallocation of funds. These funds, which should be going to purchase weather, are being used instead for celebrations and other frivolous things,” said a spokesAnimal for the PWO. “If the Park Finance Office doesn’t get its priorities straight, the residents of The Park will end up paying dearly for their [the PFO’s] mistakes,” the spokesAnimal said.

Winter weather has become increasingly expensive, experts believe, because there is much less of it available now.

“In the old days, it was the cheapest weather we could buy and we bought lots of it,” said the PWO spokesAnimal. “We had some Winters that lasted from October to May. But the price has become prohibitive and the PFO has become stingier and we see the results of that — not just our poor Otter or the loss of our popular Ice Slide, but the rise in deaths from premature awakening, food shortages due to drought, and the increase in domicile destruction,” the spokesAnimal said.

Tomorrow’s meeting will be a historic one, as it marks the first time the Park Finance Office has agreed to sit down with the Park Weather Office to discuss funding decisions. The results of the meeting may not be made public until July, however, when the PFO releases its annual budget.

See also: Park weather office blasts budget, proposes radical change

OTD in 2014—Fourth quarter gains prove hibernation a drag on economy, say some analysts

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Fourth quarter gains

Proponents of abolishing hibernation in The Park may discover they have a new friend in their corner: the latest figures released by The Park Finance Office and The Park Association of Shops and Services (PASS).

The most recent reports show significant fourth quarter gains in all sectors of The Park’s economy, but particularly in the retail and construction sectors. While these gains were predicted by most analysts and are believed to be a result of 2013’s extended pre-hibernation period, there are some who feel these figures highlight the precariousness of The Park’s economy during the periods of hibernation and estivation.

“How can we expect the economy to function properly when a significant portion of our citizens exist in a state of torpor in both the Winter and Summer seasons?” asked Xavier Dingo, chief financial analyst at A. Corn and Partners, at a recent economic forum.

Dingo has never publicly suggested that hibernation should be abolished, perhaps because his company offers specialized financial services to The Park’s large hibernation and estivation communities. But at the recent forum, he was forthright in his reservations about continuing with the status quo.

“Our economy has stagnated for the past few years and, eventually, The Park will have to face up to its unique problems. We are not singling out any group, but our economic challenges here [in The Park] have become significant. We need to engage all our citizens in a serious conversation about how best to grow the economy. Otherwise, we will become vulnerable to forces that do not have our best interests at heart,” he said.

See also:
Park’s retail, construction sectors expected to post strong gains after extended pre-hibernation period

OTD in 2017—Don’t miss these Springtime events!

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upcoming-event There’s always a lot of work to do come Springtime. But don’t forget to mark your calendar for these annual Park events!

Otter Slide participant
March 13: Closing date for the Otter Ice Slide
Yes, it will be another Winter come and gone. So, get yourself over to the Otter Ice Slide while the weather still permits. There’s no feeling like it, but that feeling won’t last past March 13.

Polar BearMarch 25: Polar Bears’ Poetry Picnic
One of our most beloved seasonal and artistic events. Now in its twenty-second year, the Polar Bears’ Poetry Picnic has expanded to include haiku and rap, but the format of the day remains the same. And here’s a cautionary word from the organizers: watch the weather forecast and dress appropriately to avoid frozen nose syndrome.

The Park's semi-annual "Shake for Charity" will now be called "The Shakeoff"March 29: The Park’s semi-annual “Shakeoff”
“If you have a coat, share it with those who don’t.”
Formerly the “Shake for Charity,” this semi-annual event aids those who have no coat. The Shakeoff also offers free grooming and refreshments to participants.

tulipsMarch 30: Tulip season
Yes, it’s that time of year already. Tap on your apps to find the latest emerging bulbs. If you need any technical help, our resident experts at The Mammalian Daily will be on hand to aid you in locating your favourite Springtime snack.

April 8-10: The Broop ‘n Miaow’s annual “Broopee Days”cat-and-dog-drinking
Are you a Broopee? We’re all Broopees during the Broop ‘n Miaow’s annual Broopee Days! So invite your friends—of all species—and share the super-specials! And don’t forget the instant win contests!

Footpad HeavenApril 15: Footpad Heaven Clearance Sale
Don’t be a slave to style! Even though it may be last year’s stock, FH’s Toepads, Footpads and other clearance accoutrement are brand new. Indulge yourself at half the price!

OTD in 2016—Time Marches on: here’s what happened in The Park in February

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WatchDog groups warns of impending newspaper warFocus On: Archons’ Address

Groundhog Day recap: great weather, massive turnout, POPS sees shadow

Directors’ Guild ousted me as prez due to my politics: Douglas Cheetah

Politics, violence mar celebration of the birth of The Park’s first leader

Gunnar Rotte, Douglas Cheetah to debate tomorrow on Yannis Tavros show

Wilkommen, Bienvenue: A guide to welcoming back our hibernating friends

No-biting rule suspended for police at Saturday’s Return of the Nut: gossip site

Rapper Will.o.be. under fire for criticism of zoocracy after Return of the Nut

Mating Dance organizers announce partnership with gewper for 2016 event

Rehearsals to resume in March on Millicent Hayberry mystery series

Hair and skin colouring, stripe removal hurt Park, says Artifice Destiny author

OTD in 0215—Museum of Contemporary Art announces appointment of curator

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Park Museum of Contemporary Art

Aamuun Maroodiga will become the PMoCA’s head curator on Monday

The Park Museum of Contemporary Art (PMoCA) has appointed a new head curator.

In a communiqué released today, Aulikki Norsu, president of PMoCA’s board of directors, confirmed that Aamuun Maroodiga will assume the duties of head curator beginning on Monday, March 2.

“After an exhaustive search, we are pleased to announce that we have appointed Aamuun Maroodiga as head curator of the museum.

Maroodiga will bring to the job her extensive experience as an artist and her many years spent teaching the Tuskan technique at the Hani Gajah School of Art. We look forward to working with her and we are excited about this new era in the museum’s life,” the communiqué says.

Maroodiga succeeds Dorika Pumi, who left the PMoCA to become head curator at The Park Museum, which opens this weekend.

Pumi was responsible for a great deal of the innovation for which the PMoCA became known, including its first art installation in 2013, entitled, How Much Was That Doggie in the Window?  She was also responsible for the Museum’s K-NONical Kismet exhibit and the controversial but well-received series of sketches entitled, Better To Be Lost Than Loved.

Maroodiga is expected to follow Pumi’s innovative path. Her first exhibit will be the 2015 art installation which Chef Tab Tricolore is collaborating on with a number of artists. Its unveiling is expected in the late Spring.

OTD in 2015—Noreen to collaborate with DWBS on guide to “Safety in the Soppy Seasons”

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lovely-to-look-at-front-cover

For even more insight into Humans, buy Noreen’s book! Just click on the image above.

“We’ve all come to understand just how soppy Humans can be, sometimes,” says Noreen, Mammalian Daily advice columnist and adjunct professor of Human Studies at the University of West Terrier.

“But what many of us don’t understand is how to cope with that and how to keep ourselves safe in the face of such an onslaught of emotion.”

There is help on the way though, she said, at a press conference held early this morning.

Standing beside Cornelius Kakapo, director of public relations for The Park’s Department of Well-Being and Safety, Noreen announced her collaboration with the department on what she called “the definitive guide to staying safe in the soppy seasons.”

“Animals need to acquire the skill sets to cope with the ‘two-legged Lions,'” she said. “Especially when they try to give us Bear hugs.”

Kakapo concurred.

“Several times a year, we [the DWBS] issue a safety alert, telling Animals to beware of Humans looking for temporary—or even permanent—Animal companionship. And The Park has devoted the entire month of June to spreading awareness of enforced domestication,” he said.

“But, clearly, that hasn’t been enough. The number of Animal kidnappings has increased dramatically over the past few years. We’re now even seeing cases of Animals being returned to The Park after these events. They are often in very bad shape, both physically and mentally. Some of them are altered for life. We have to put a stop to this. And we feel the first step is to arm Park Animals with the information they need to keep themselves and their loved ones safe.”

The printed guide will be published this Autumn, Kakapo said, and will be available free of charge through the DWBS offices, the Park Hospital for the Afflicted and Infirm, and the Park’s Extinction Anxiety Clinic. A pdf copy will also be posted on this web site.

OTD in 2015—Park Museum releases schedule of opening weekend events

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Park MuseumThe Park Museum has released the schedule of events for its opening this weekend.

The Museum will open its doors to the public on Sunday, March 1 but a special opening ceremony will take place on Saturday, February 28.

The special ceremony will be attended by the last ten sets of Park Archons, as well as by a group of dignitaries and special invitees. According to a source close to the Board of Governors, the invitee list includes the architects, engineers, construction workers, and others whose work resulted in what Chief Archon Abayomi Cuckoo has called, “the greatest feat The Park has achieved since the establishment of zoocracy.”

The Museum will open to the public at 10:00 on the morning of March 1. After a short welcoming speech by the Board of Governors and the Museum’s architects, attendees will be treated to an orientation tour and a buffet-style lunch courtesy of the PurrBoy Café. Souvenirs will also be available free of charge.

The Museum, which chronicles the social, cultural, political, and economic history of The Park from 3000 years before zoocracy until the present time, was conceived of in 2007. Plans were set in motion by the 2008 Archons and construction began in 2012. The Museum has received financial support from both the Archons and the private sector.

The full schedule of events is available here.

OTD in 2015—Is the collar on the line?

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Collar on the line

The Park is in an uproar after the announcement yesterday that Footpad Heaven plans to expand its inventory to include collars.

The announcement came in the form of an advertisement that ran in many Park newspapers, including this one. The ad calls the items “Jewellery for the sophisticated Canine and Feline set.”

“It’s an outrage,” says Angus Deerhound of Runaway Rovers, a group that offers assistance to formerly Domestic Canines.

“It’s an affront to our species, as well as to others,” he says. “This object …  the collar … it isn’t clothing and it isn’t ornamentation. It is, quite simply, slave jewellery. It is something that was designed by Humans so that they could have control over us. I can’t imagine why such a wonderful shop as Footpad Heaven would even think about selling them.”

Many others are wondering the same thing. Footpad Heaven, which is The Park’s oldest shop, originally catered to the needs of Animals whose footpads and toepads suffered injury because of unpaved roads. Josiah Bandicoot, an immigrant sculptor who had dabbled in chemistry and aesthetics, established the shop 47 years before zoocracy and it has been owned and operated by his descendants since his death. A few years ago, the shop expanded its offerings to include cutting-edge fashion and trendsetting accessories, but none of those items bears the same connotation as does the collar.

According to Deerhound, a meeting of dissenters is scheduled for tomorrow night. They plan to petition Footpad Heaven to cancel its sale of collars.

“Taking the collar off is a symbol of freedom to every Domestic Canine who finds refuge in The Park. Why, then, would we who live here and have fought for freedom and the right to govern ourselves, want to put one on?” asks Deerhound.

OTD in 2016—Rehearsals to resume in March on Millicent Hayberry mystery series

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Millicent Hayberry

Millicent Hayberry: Back onstage at the Burrow Theatre April 8

Rehearsals will resume next week at The Park’s Burrow Theatre for the Gianfranco Colocolo mystery series starring renowned actress Millicent Hayberry.

A spokesAnimal for the theatre confirmed director Jean-Luc Briard’s tweet of February 23, in which he said he was “Getting into shape for Tuesday rehearsal.” According to the theatre, rehearsals begin on Tuesday, March 1, a little over a month before the April 8 opening.

Hayberry, who is best known for her portrayal of author Imogen Aardeekhoorn in both the stage and screen productions of Mixed Nuts, emerged from hibernation on Groundhog Day and has been resting since, but is said to be anxious to return to work.

“Millicent lives for her work and if she could, she’d skip hibernation altogether in favour of working,” said a close friend of the actress.

Despite that, rehearsals that were scheduled for the month of February were cancelled, in part due to Hayberry’s physical state.

“She was weak coming out of hibernation, which isn’t surprising,” said the same friend. “But her spirits are high and they will carry her through the first gruelling days of rehearsal all the way to the opening.”

For his part, Gianfranco Colocolo, the award-winning author of Murder at the Fishbowl, has yet to name the mystery series, preferring to keep that as a mystery, as well. Tickets for the series (single plays or for the whole series) will go on sale in mid-March at The Burrow Theatre.

OTD in 2017—Archons set to restrict Animals’ right to leave Park: rumour

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Bird On TravelingBREAKING NEWS
The 2017 Archons may be planning to enact legislation that restricts Park Animals’ right to leave The Park.

According to a post dated today on the gossip web site headsNtales, the Archons are considering unprecedented measures to restrict the free movement of Park citizens, as well as the free flow of goods.

Site co-founder Hortencia Guacamayo quotes “sources close to the Archons” as saying that talks are underway with legal and financial consultants to determine the feasibility of travel  and trade restrictions.

According to Guacamayo’s sources, the main problem appears to be the lack of power that Park legal representatives have in matters affecting Animals who have been charged or detained outside The Park.

That lack of power was the subject of a panel discussion this morning on Mammalian Daily Radio. During the discussion, University of West Terrier Law Professor Fionnula Fox, an expert in Extra-Hortulanial law (law that applies outside The Park) told the panel, “It does not lie within our jurisdiction to represent Park Animals who have been charged with some form of wrongdoing outside The Park. Nor are we able to prosecute Humans on their own lands who have wronged Park Animals.”

According to Fox, the legal problem has given birth to a financial burden that Park Archons say the budget is not equipped to deal with.

“Without legal standing outside The Park, we must use the resources of our police and other specialized forces to extricate Park Animals from detention. Many see this as not just a financial burden, but a misuse or unnecessary use of our limited resources,” she said.

Although Fox did not say whether she agreed with the direction the Archons are said to be taking, she said trade restrictions might be a step in the right direction.

“Right now, we have to rely on the goodwill of Humans. We have to convince them to cooperate with us. Restricting their access to our goods might be one way of bringing more balance to the situation,” she said.

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