The Mammalian Daily

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UWT to enact hiring freeze

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The University of West Terrier will enact a hiring freeze, effective 01 Myrodia.

The hiring freeze will apply to all faculty and staff appointments for the years 27 and 28 AZ, the Governors of the University announced at a press conference today.

Citing reductions in operating grants and other budgetary constraints, the Governors said that they were forced to conclude that significant cuts would have to be made in order for the University to deliver “the high quality of education for which it is renowned.”

The Governors said that, before reaching this conclusion, they had held a series of meetings with The Park’s Finance Office, as well as with a number of independent donors.

“The Park’s economy is in crisis. The Finance Office fears it cannot meet all its obligations for 27 AZ and, therefore, they told us, we must be prepared to operate on a more limited budget,” the Governors said.

The Governors’ decision was not made lightly, they emphasized.

“The only alternative that we could see was to raise tuition fees, and that is the very last thing we would do,” they said.

The University of West Terrier is The Park’s oldest and most prestigious institution of higher learning in The Park. It boasts a distinguished faculty and many illustrious alumni, including Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon of The Park’s Superior Court, filmmaker Douglas Cheetah, and award-winning author C.L. Birman.

Evidence presented at Mongoose trial sparks criticism of Park weather practices

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From the Vault

Mounting criticism of current Park weather practices is threatening to overshadow important legal issues in what some describe as the “trial of the decade.”

Since the prosecution began presenting its evidence in the Mongoose “weather trial,” Park Archons report they have received an “overwhelming” number of complaints from citizens about the method by which The Park purchases its weather.

“[I would say] this will definitely put reform on the weather map,” said a spokesAnimal for The Park Weather Office.

It has not been the tradition for citizens to be involved actively in weather decisions, the spokesAnimal said. Those decisions have been made in the same manner since zoocracy was instituted and the public outcry “has caught the Archons off-guard,” he said.

Meanwhile, legal observers say they fear the groundswell of criticism could shift the focus of the trial and result in the Mongoose’s acquittal. “The issue at trial is whether or not the Mongoose acted in good faith with regard to the contract into which he entered,” Harry D.W.R. Lemur, the prosecuting attorney, said in an interview. “We are not here to debate the appropriateness of that contract.”

The Mongoose is charged with fraud, theft, misappropriation of funds, and intent to confound, in connection with weather purchases he made in 13 AZ. His trial continues.

This article originally appeared in Issue #112 of The Mammalian Daily.

The Wolves at our door

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Wolves editorialEDITORIAL

Two pieces of news came to our attention this week: the Archons intend to debate The Park’s open immigration policy and Humans have declared open season on the Wolves roaming lands outside the Park.

It is as easy to see the connection between the two as it is to see the likelihood of tragedy as a consequence of both.

Here, in The Park, our policy of open immigration has suffered some damage to its reputation, of late. The withering economy, population growth, food shortages – all these things, and more, have caused some Park Animals to call for a re-thinking of our policy. Why extend to strangers what we worked so hard for, their reasoning goes. Why not keep the good thing that we have to ourselves, and let others fend for themselves?

Why, indeed.

In these difficult times, it is insufficient to respond with the usual arguments: that more Animals from different places make for a richer Park, both culturally and economically, or that The Park has always been a refuge for the unwanted, the hunted, the wounded, the poverty-stricken, the starving, and the scared.

These arguments will not work on Animals who have turned away from The Park’s fundamental principles. We must invoke stronger arguments, lest the pressure on the Archons to enact changes become too much for them to bear.

Fellow citizens, we need only look outside The Park to see the consequences of exclusionary policies. The Human world is built of countries, cities, towns, and villages that would refuse us succour. Is this the model that we wish to emulate?

Hope, decency, concern for our fellow Animal – these are the qualities that separate us from Humans, the qualities that make us distinct. Why should we demean ourselves by hoarding instead of sharing, by shutting our doors, instead of welcoming newcomers, by limiting the numbers of those who might prosper here, unfettered and unafraid?

When the Wolves come knocking on our door this Winter, this is the question we must ask ourselves: Are we Mice or are we Men?

This editorial originally appeared in Issue #119 of The Mammalian Daily.

Prehistoric paintings discovered in northeastern cave

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Two Goat kids, Lila and Nardo, discovered the paintings in The Park’s northeastern cave

Four paintings that could be 20,000 years old have been discovered on the walls of the cave at the northeastern end of The Park, officials confirmed this month.

Archaeologists and zoologists at The Park’s Institute for the Study of Mammalian Life (ISML) characterized the paintings as a major discovery.

“We believe this find could confirm the autochthonous nature of Animal life in The Park,” said Catriona Cairn-Terrier, chief archaeologist at the Institute.

The four paintings, which depict a Goat, a Donkey, a Lioness, and a bucolic setting, are believed to predate The Park’s oldest cave paintings — the 12,000 year- old paintings in the Grewsome-Grumsack Grotto at the southwestern corner of The Park.

Staff members at the Institute were unable to confirm the existence of a fifth painting, reported to be that of a Dog sprawled out on a rug or mat.

Park officials have sealed off the entrance to the cave for the Winter season. In early Spring, members of the ISML team will conduct radiosputum dating tests, as well as other studies of the paintings.

The paintings were discovered in late September by two Goat kids, Lila and Nardo, aged 7 months, who were playing in the area.

“I butted them out of the house and told them to go and play,” said their mother, Nanette.

“After they came home, they kept bleating about these drawings they saw in the cave. I thought they meant the G-G [Grewsome-Grumsack] cave, so I didn’t think anything of it. But when they told me it was the other cave, I thought I should inform the authorities right away.”

According to ISML staff, the newly-found paintings are of particular interest because they appear to depict an earlier period of life in The Park.

As for the question of who might be responsible for the artwork itself, the Institute says that it cannot offer any definitive answers until it has undertaken further study.

“Some of the strokes appear to be the work of an Elephant, but we really have no idea what Animal might be responsible for these paintings,” said Cairn-Terrier.

This article first appeared in Issue #112 of The Mammalian Daily.

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