The Mammalian Daily

Satirical fiction in newspaper form

Lovely to look at - Book by Noreen

Park ART Walk

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Save the date!

The organizers of the 5th annual Park ART Walk (PAW) remind you that this year’s event will take place on Saturday, August 13, 2011 between 10:00 am and 7:00 pm.

The Park ART Walk is a one-day, juried art exhibition that showcases the artistic expression of Park residents.  PAW showings will take place at participating art galleries, retail establishments, and at the Ancient, Open-Air Theatre.

This year’s jury will include curators from the Ewe and Moo and Knochen Kunst Galleries.

Don’t forget!

Park ART Walk
Saturday, August 13, 2011
10am-7pm 

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The Park ART Walk wishes to thank its sponsors:

The Nutbar

 

Footpad Heaven

 

LeTwiggery

 

Amoltrud’s Aesthetics

 

 

Leaked papers link UWT researchers to social experiment

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top secretTop Secret documents leaked to The Mammalian Daily reveal that members of The Park’s Finance Office enlisted the aid of researchers at the University of West Terrier in an attempt to engineer a social experiment in The Park.

The documents, which the newspaper has had in its possession for two weeks, reveal that in the summer of 26 AZ (2008), high level functionaries in the Park Finance Office (PFO) approached researchers in the departments of chemistry and zoology at UWT to produce a serum that would inhibit hibernation and estivation.

The goal of the Finance Office’s plan, which was known internally as “Operation Wakey-Wakey,” was to stimulate the sagging Park economy by “chemically encouraging” the entire population to engage in commerce year-round.

The plan went awry when a number of groups representing hibernators began to suspect that they were being scapeGoated.  In late Autumn 26 AZ (2008), the Small Animal Hibernating Community (SAHC) filed a formal complaint against the Finance Office for repeatedly referring to the economic slowdown as “hibernation-related.”

Fearing that publicity regarding the complaint would shed light on their plan, the PFO suspended Operation Wakey-Wakey early in the Winter of 27 AZ (2009).  The documents suggest, however, that several versions of the serum were developed at UWT during the time the Operation was active, but it is unknown whether any serum was ever tested on live Animals.

Neither the University of West Terrier nor The Park’s Finance Office has released any statement regarding this matter.

Court approves continuance of 2010 Archons

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Park ArchonsAcknowledging the need for stability and continuity following this year’s calendar harmonization, Mr. Justice Augustus Dindon has granted a continuance of one full year to The Park’s current Archons.

In his ruling, which was handed down early this morning, the Superior Court Justice expressed the opinion that continuity would best be served by allowing those “who were the authors of such profound change in The Park to complete their mission before passing the torch to others.”

According to the Court statement, the ruling back-dates the Archons’ term to January 2011, thus allowing the 35 law makers six more months to aid Park residents in their transition to the new calendar.

A spokesanimal for the Archons said they were “pleased” with today’s ruling.

“This will allow [the Archons] to continue on their journey to modernize The Park and bring it up to speed in order to meet the challenges that the next years will bring,” the spokesanimal said.

The 2010 Archons’ ambitious agenda, of which calendar harmonization was the first component, includes immigration reform, support for Park businesses and, possibly, the introduction of taxation.

 

The Mammalian Daily Style Manual

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The Mammalian Daily’s editorial style has set the standard for Park publications since the beginning of zoocracy

The Mammalian Daily Press, 200 pages

The Mammalian Daily’s editorial style has set the standard for Park publications since the beginning of zoocracy. With the release of this new publication by The Mammalian Daily Press, everyone will be able to benefit from the wisdom and experience of Mammalian Daily writers and editors.

This first edition provides systematic guidelines for the usage of punctuation and capitalization and includes a lengthy discussion of Animal names. As well, a separate “Quotation Guide” offers a thorough discussion of the nuances of a large number of Animal languages and provides a dictionary of shared terminology.

This weighty volume is sure to become the essential reference for all those who love to work with words.

© The Mammalian Daily

Principles of Anticipatory Zoocracy

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Foreword by Jor
Birch Bark Books, 100 pages

An ancient political treatise by an unknown author, Principles of Anticipatory Zoocracy is the book to which we all owe our freedom and prosperity. This new, soft-shell edition from Birch Bark Books includes a special foreword that was written by Jor just before his death in 14 AZ.

The most important political document in our possession, this treatise laid the foundation for what we now know as Animal self-government. It should be on everyone’s reading list.

© The Mammalian Daily
Reprinted with permission from Issue 112, Autumn 24 AZ

Now, That’s Duperous!

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Heroic News Items from The Mammalian Daily
Mammalian Daily Press, 100 pages

Anyone familiar with The Mammalian Daily remembers these popular columns that ran monthly for almost five years. Now, in hard-shell, The Mammalian Daily has re-printed them for your renewed enjoyment.

Remember the Polar Bears’ heroic struggle with the snowless Winter? The Giraffe who got his head stuck in the ceiling of the Dupers’ General Store? The Humans who tried to grow their Shrimp in cans? They’re all here to amaze you, to entertain you, and to intrigue you.

You won’t be able to put this book down. But, perhaps, when you’re finished reading it, you should write a letter in support of bringing back the column.

Now, that would be duperous!

© The Mammalian Daily
Reprinted with permission from Issue 111, Summer 24 AZ

Bringing Back the Stick: 75 Years of Retrieving

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By Bartholomew El Perdiguero
Birch Bark Books, 400 pages

While any book on retrieving would be welcome in The Park, this volume is certain to appeal to those for whom the sport has become a way of life.

Rich in lore, as well as in fact, this commemorative tome also includes a handy “how-to” section for beginners, pictures of Champions in Action for voyeurs, a glossary of retrieving terms, and a separate chapter on water retrieving.

Beautifully bound and brimming with photographs, this book is a true celebration of retrieving and will make a wonderful gift for any species.

© The Mammalian Daily
Reprinted with permission from Issue 111, Summer 24 AZ

The Silent Cluck

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By Berthilidis Strix, M.D. and Cornelia Panthera, Ph.Zo.
Lemon-Yellow Press, 250 pages

Deep in the recesses of our subconscious, according to veteran psychoanalyst, Dr. Berthilidis Strix, lies a force that she calls “the silent cluck.” The process of isolating one’s own “cluck” is the subject of this book, which Dr. Strix has written in collaboration with her esteemed colleague, Dr. Cornelia Panthera.

The premise on which their book is based is that this force, which is as individual as we are, is responsible for the choices we make throughout our lives. That fact (if, indeed, it is a fact) renders locating our “cluck” essential, if we are to feel that we exercise control in our lives.

But, why a “cluck?”

Dr. Panthera, a noted zoologist, is among those who believe that we all start life as a Chicken. Our process of maturation, as she explains in the book’s preface, is one of “breaking out of the egg,” both literally and metaphorically.

But, even when we are successful and achieve full maturity, say Drs. Strix and Panthera, we are still subject to the longings of that holdover from our earliest days, our “silent cluck.”

“It is not unusual,” writes Dr. Strix, “for the largest of Lions or for the smallest of Snails, to want to revert to the eggshell. It is, perhaps, at our lowest moments in life that we find our cluck is calling us, and we must listen to it.”

Whether or not you believe in the Chicken Theory, this book will bring your deepest desires and disappointments into focus.

© The Mammalian Daily
Reprinted with permission from Issue 110, Spring 24 AZ

When All Good Things Begin with “B”

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By Mavis Malamute
Tall Tail Books, 35 pages
Recommended for ages 4 weeks and up

Another triumph for Tall Tail Books, this enchanting book was written for Puppies but is suitable for all ages and species.

Narrated by a mother Bitch, it is the story of Barney, the runt of her litter, who discovers that, like his name, all the good things in his life begin with the letter, “B”: ball, biscuit, bones, etc.

The story is a delightful one and the illustrations, by renowned illustrator, Pirkko Panther, lend a sense of bucolic tranquility to an otherwise urban tale.

When All Good Things Begin with “B” will make a great gift for new mothers and for all those little ones in their pre-weaning weeks.

© The Mammalian Daily
Reprinted with permission from Issue 110, Spring 24 AZ

Olden Goldies: Noreen interviews The Barkettes

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Long a fan of Thisbe and the Barkettes and, at one time, a Dog in-the-running for one of the top singing spots in the group, Noreen recently sat down with The Barkettes (Estelle, Lorraine, Carmen and Mercedes), for an honest chat about life, love and the Canine music world.

Official NoreenN: When did you first realize that you were on your way to becoming the top Canine singing group of all time?

E: I don’t know if we actually thought about it in that way. We knew that we were good; we knew that we could make it, as long as we were allowed to make it, that is. And my Mum, in particular, kept us going and wouldn’t let us ever be discouraged. Even when we faced blatant discrimination and anti-Caninism. There were many times we saw signs that said “No Dogs Allowed” and I, at least, would want to collapse. But Mum would never let me do it.

L: I don’t think people — Humans, that is — realize the impact such things have on Dogs. And other Animals, too. For so many centuries, we’ve been treated as chattel…as if we have no value outside the value of the Humans we live with — if we live with Humans. I think The Barkettes have done a great service, really, in showing the world — Canine, Human, Feline — what Animals can do when they set their minds to it.

It’s not just the sound of our music or our voices — although I’m sure that the quality of the sounds helped immensely. I think it’s partly that we have an honest desire to do something with our lives…

M: And our love of music, too. That can’t be discounted. Without that, we never would have been able to sustain the blows we did and the insults, too.

C: Absolutely. I think in that way, the arts, whichever of them, can help to sustain anyone who is an underDog.

We were underDogs, too, when we started. We played living rooms, parks, anywhere they would book us. And we were glad to do it. We wanted to bring our love of music to the whole world — not just the Canine world, but the whole world. I used to practice in my backyard; some of my highest notes I sent up the chimney. But when it worked, there was no feeling like it. I don’t think I could have done it in any other field.

Official NoreenN: Do you ever miss having a normal life?

E: Who knows what’s normal, anymore? This is what’s normal for us…or, at least, it’s what’s become normal for us. I would hate to have missed the life that we’ve had, the things we’ve done, the Animals we’ve met.

And I would like to say here that I will always be grateful to Thisbe, because this was all her idea. I could never have envisioned it.

C: That’s true and I think we all agree on that. But if you mean do I wish I’d had the opportunity to…say…have a litter…I don’t know. I guess I feel it’s something I could have done if the opportunity had arisen. But it didn’t, so I don’t regret it, really. I have 187 nieces and nephews and they all give me great joy when I see them.

M: I think we can’t regret it when we know that soon we’ll have to retire and we know how much we’ll miss performing.

L: I will really miss it. But I also am looking forward to a rest. And I’ve always wished I could have gone for training, so that’s something that I’m thinking of starting when we retire.

Click on Noreen’s book below to get your copy now!

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