DEAR NOREEN: I live with the two Humans who adopted me a few years ago. Our life together is good, but one thing about their behaviour really bothers me. They can’t seem to stay away from other Dogs. Whenever we’re outside and they see another Dog, they make these embarrassing “ ooohing” and “aaahing” sounds. They’ve even been known to cross the street just to get a better look at another Dog! Are other Dogs a threat to my happy home? What should I do?-INSECURE

DEAR INSECURE: Ah, the joys of Human companionship! Anyone who reads this newspaper regularly knows my opinion of Humans: they’re lovely to look at it, but I wouldn’t want to live with one. But, cheer up! There is hope on the horizon.

While their behaviour is a mystery to other Animals, there is one thing that almost all of us agree on: loyalty is not a trait that we associate with the Human species.

So, it should come as no surprise that Humans might spend time looking at other Dogs — even going so far as to offer them food or affection — without any sense that this might be upsetting to their own Dog. This occurs indoors as well as on the street, I might add, and generally does nothing for the Human-Canine bond at home.

Still, what makes up for Humans’ lack of loyalty is a trait known colloquially as “generosity” and it is likely this trait that will save you from an unpleasant outcome in these circumstances. And that is because, should your Humans fall for another Dog, research shows they are 182 times more likely to add that Dog to your household than to replace you with this new one. So, rather than being a threat to your happiness, other Dogs may actually end up increasing it.

Dear Noreen is a regular feature of The Mammalian Daily and The Mammalian Daily online. If you have a question for Noreen, please send it via Twitter at @talkswithnoreen.

DEAR NOREEN: I was adopted a year ago by a pair of Humans. Almost everything is perfect, but one thing puzzles me. From the beginning, these Humans have had the strange habit of placing their lips on the top of my head. This action lasts only a second and it culminates in a soft, smacking sound.

Now, I am not a puppy; I have been sniffed, chewed, nuzzled, and licked, but I have never had anyone plant their lips on me. Can you tell me what the significance of this gesture is? Should I be worried about it? — PERPLEXED

DEAR PERPLEXED: The action you describe is known as “kissing.” (This is not to be confused, of course, with “hissing,” which is something else altogether, especially when performed by our Feline friends.)

Dear Noreen is a regular feature of The Mammalian Daily and The Mammalian Daily online. If you have a question for Noreen, please send it via Twitter at @talkswithnoreen.

DEAR NOREEN: I have recently befriended a family of Humans and have found them to be quite good company.

We go for walks together and play ball together and I am just getting to the point of asking them over for dinner.

My question is: I have heard a number of stories about the eating habits of Humans and I wonder, if these things are true, is it such a good idea to expose my young to them?

What is your advice? — UNDECIDED

DEAR UNDECIDED: Anyone who reads this newspaper regularly knows my opinion of Humans: they’re lovely to look at…but I wouldn’t want to live with them.

All joking aside, since I don’t actually know what you have heard about Human eating habits, I can’t tell you whether or not they will traumatize your young.

What I can tell you is that Humans are different and if you are going to socialize with them in your home, you will have to be equipped for it. Whether or not this is worth your while is your own decision to make.

Beware, though, that Humans prefer most of their food cooked and they can be very finicky eaters. Many of them have large appetites, as well, and they eat several times a day.

All things considered, though, I have found that making the effort to socialize with other species usually pays off in the end, and I think the experience would probably do your young more good than harm.

Dear Noreen is a regular feature of The Mammalian Daily and The Mammalian Daily online. If you have a question for Noreen, please send it via Twitter at @talkswithnoreen.

DEAR NOREEN: A friend of mine has recently befriended a Human and they are now thinking about a permanent arrangement. Do you think it is wise for an Animal to adopt a Human? – PONDERING

DEAR PONDERING: Such adoptions are much in vogue, so I think it’s time we had an open discussion of these arrangements.

First, though, let me say this: anyone who reads this newspaper regularly knows my opinion of Humans: they’re lovely to look at, but I wouldn’t want to live with one.

Aside from that, I am very much in favour of so-called blended families, by which I mean a mix of species and breeds living and breathing (but not breeding) under one roof or in one burrow. It’s definitely the wave of the future, regardless, since so many these days are born but not wanted, not to mention the many more who are wanted, but not born. So, all things being equal (or as lopsided as a Rabbit’s ears), these two needs should match up rather nicely to form a few harmonious families.

You do have to be careful, though, when adopting Humans, since living with them is unnatural, as are many of their habits. They are also painfully slow to develop (indeed, many of them never truly mature). Yet – and, don’t forget this – their lifespan far exceeds that of many of us, a fact that creates its own set of problems.

Remember, too, that Humans can be difficult to train, prone as they are to that eponymous condition known affectionately by them as “Human error.” Still, I would advise your friend to give it a try. No happiness was ever won by avoiding risk.

Dear Noreen is a regular feature of The Mammalian Daily and The Mammalian Daily online. If you have a question for Noreen, please send it via Twitter at @talkswithnoreen.

DEAR NOREEN: I don’t know if this lies within your area of expertise, but I have been wondering: can Humans make Animals sick?

For almost a year, I have been participating in The Park’s Adopt-A-Human project, which I feel is a worthwhile activity. Over the last few weeks, however, I have begun to feel lethargic, I am sometimes feverish, and I have experienced a generalized feeling of unwellness.

My friends tell me that I should see Dr. Bourru and some have even suggested that it is my adopted Human who has made me sick! I don’t know what to think. Can you help me?
— CONCERNED

DEAR CONCERNED: Not to make light of your question, which is of legitimate concern, but there are those among us who think, quite frankly, that Humans are making us all sick! Anyone who reads this newspaper regularly, of course, knows what my opinion is of Humans: they’re lovely to look at, but I wouldn’t want to live with one!

Setting all that aside, however, my medical experts tell me that Humans can, indeed, infect Animals with a number of diseases that, in the past, they kept to themselves. These days, though, with the mixing of species (not a bad thing, mind), it is not unheard of for Animals to catch things from Humans.

If I were you, I’d take myself off to Dr. Bourru posthaste and let him make the final diagnosis. Whatever disease your Human companion may have given you, it is highly treatable, they tell me, and it will not affect you permanently — which is more than I can say for Human opinions. Buona fortuna!

Dear Noreen is a regular feature of The Mammalian Daily and The Mammalian Daily online. If you have a question for Noreen, please send it via Twitter at @talkswithnoreen.