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Archives for November 2016

Wednesday Rewind: Band’s new song, “Put a Leash on It” sparks controversy

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Wednesday Rewind
Original publication date: 22 November 2012

The Park’s Canine community is threatening to boycott all music by the controversial band, Les Chiens Débraillés, after the release yesterday of its new song, “Put a Leash on It.”

In an open letter to the band and its management and to the Canine Music Association (CMA), DoGGeD, a newly-formed group of “concerned Park Canines” wrote of their “dismay and feelings of dejection” when they heard the song.

“We are writing to let you know that we find the song’s message offensive and condescending. In releasing this song, Les Chiens Débraillés has alienated its fellow Canines and, in so doing, shown its lack of taste in both music and intraspecial relations,” the letter read.

In response, Philippe Chiendeur, the band’s manager, released a one-line statement saying that the band does not comment on “the meaning or message of any of its musical material”.

Canine Music Association President R.F. Aarrf also released a short statement. In it, he said the CMA does not deal directly with complaints from “disgruntled individuals or groups.” The last controversy the CMA was involved in was the dispute between the Association of Park Radio Stations and the popular Park band The Cynics, after the APRS pulled a Cynics song from the airwaves.

Earlier today, however, The Marsupial Messenger’s acclaimed music reviewer Pierre Sucre came to the defense of the band. In a short column, he wrote that DoGGeD “has it all wrong.”

“Leaving aside the stereotype that Canines have no sense of humour, this group [DoGGeD] has completely missed the point of the Chiens Débraillés song. To the rest of us, the song is a lament. It’s about the economy, stupides, and the effects the downturn has had on our sense of independence. In my opinion, the song isn’t even about Canines. It’s about trying to survive in a world in which we do not have complete control over our lives,” Sucre wrote.

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See also:

Association pulls Cynics’ song from airwaves

Stereotype STUNday: Snail Male lambasted for “aggressive” behaviour

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angry-snailIt wasn’t just his specist lyrics. Or the direction his tentacles pointed. Or even the tattoo (unprintable in this newspaper) on his shell.

It was, as the Department of Well-Being and Safety (DWBS) put it, “a combustible combination of the three” that led them to call Park Police to remove rapper SnailMale from the stage at this past weekend’s Stereotype Sunday.

Speaking at a press conference this morning, Cornelius Kakapo, Director of Public Relations for the Department of Well-Being and Safety, said although the department would not press charges against the rapper, he most definitely would be banned from performing at major events in The Park “for some time.”

“We believe he intended to be incendiary and that is his prerogative when he performs on his own at events that he has organized and that Animals have paid to attend. But it was absolutely inappropriate to bring that type of attitude and set list to an open event and, particularly, to an event that is organized to promote interspecial harmony,” Kakapo said.

According to Kakapo, most attendees were in agreement with the department’s decision to remove the rapper from the stage mid-performance.

“We had an enormous amount of feedback on this and I would say ninety percent of it is positive in terms of our actions,” he said.

SnailMale, whose songs are known to be angry and aggressive, has displayed specist tendencies in the past, but he has also been a supporter of interspecial harmony in The Park. In an open letter on his web site posted yesterday, the rapper said he was “unfairly treated and unjustly removed” from the event.

“They knew my work when they invited me to perform. So, why did they remove me for being who I have always been?” he asked.

Prestigious prize goes to UWT professor for pioneering work on harrumphocytes

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UWT COATDr. Jagger Zebu, Professor of Mammalian Medicine at the University of West Terrier’s School of Medicine has been awarded the prestigious Eureka Prize, it was announced today.

The announcement came in a statement issued this morning by the editorial board of the scientific journal Eureka. The board, which awards the prize annually for “pioneering research and innovative experimentation,” called Dr. Zebu a “a meticulous scientist and a pioneer in harrumphocyte research.”

Dr. Zebu, whose name appeared earlier this month on Eureka’s  “Seventeen to Watch in 2017” list, led a team of researchers who were the first to pinpoint the location of harrumphocytes in Mammals.  Harrumphocytes are the cells that are believed to be responsible for producing feelings of primary apathy and secondary negativity in Mammals.

When the research was published in March of this year, Dr. Zebu said he believed the breakthrough would offer a “much-improved” life to Mammals who suffer from harrumphocyte imbalance.

Although Dr. Zebu has not commented on the award, the Board of Governors of the University of West Terrier posted a congratulatory message on the university’s web site this morning.

Bowing to technology, hibernating community puts Tulip Map to bed

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squirrel-with-gpsIf you have a copy of this year’s Tulip Map, you might want to keep it.

The 2017 version of the map, which is officially known as the “Map of Tulip and other Bulb Beds in The Park and Environs,” will be the last of its kind, according to a spokesAnimal for the publisher.

The map has been produced annually for over a decade by the Small Animal Hibernating Community (SAHC), in association with the Confederation of Ground Squirrels (CGS), the Idiosyncratic Hibernators of The Park (IHOP), the Association of Distinct Hibernating Animals of The Park (ADHAP) and the Park Alliance of Chipmunks (PAC) and it has served as a trusted guide for a large number of The Park’s residents.

But as of 2018, Animals seeking the whereabouts of those juicy flower bulbs will be encouraged to use apps such as TulipTracker and Bulb Beacon. Or go back to using their own senses.

“In some ways, it could be seen as a step backwards,” concedes Cornelius Kakapo, Director of Public Relations for the Department of Well-Being and Safety.

“But the map itself was not infallible, so the apps, together with our own tracking abilities, should be as accurate, if not more.”

While that is likely true, the real beneficiaries of the decision might be those who still have the old maps. According to Wyuna Winkle of The Literary Apothecary, collectors will probably pay quite a lot for them. And, she says, it won’t take long for the 2017 map, which was printed only a month ago, to make it to the auction block.

“It almost gives a new meaning to the expression, ‘hot off the press,’ ” she says.

SnailMale confirms performance at upcoming Stereotype Sunday

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Snail Male

Rapper Snail Male

Rapper SnailMale will perform at the next Stereotype Sunday, he announced today.

In a tweet this morning, the rapper confirmed his participation in the weekly event and invited his fans and followers to join him at the Ancient Open-Air Theatre, where he said he will take the stage at two o’clock. He ended the tweet with the hashtag, “GastropodPower.”

SnailMale is only the second musician who has been invited to perform at the weekly event. The first was ZEAL, who introduced his single, “Crossing the Line” there in July.

As the rapper’s tweet suggests, this Sunday’s event will focus on The Park’s Gastropods. The themed Stereotype Sundays, which were introduced in September, take place on the last Sunday of the month.

Wednesday Rewind: Police call for calm after specist handbook discovered in Park

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Justforhumansonly.aspxWednesday Rewind
Original publication date: 21 November 2011

The Archons of The Park, in conjunction with the Federation of Canine Security Workers (FCSW) have issued a call for calm throughout The Park after the discovery of what appears to be a specist handbook.

The book, which was discovered under the Ancient Oak Tree early this morning, is written in the Human English language, experts say. Language specialists at the University of West Terrier are currently studying the book and its contents. In a statement issued at midday, they said they plan to make a full report to the Archons as soon as they have completed their study.

The book was discovered by Rodnina Owl, police confirmed. The Owl was reportedly eating a snack in the Tree, when she noticed something shiny at the base.

“The glossy cover caught my eye and I swooped down to see what it was,” she said in an interview on PBC  Radio late this morning. “I was shocked when they told me what it said.” The Owl does not speak any Human languages.

In their appeal for calm, the Archons emphasized the need for patience on the part of Park Animals.

Two hours after the Archons issued their appeal, Balthasar Alouatta, press secretary to the Archons, fielded questions from residents and media. The major concerns were for Animal security, with many calling for barricades and some suggesting pre-emptive strikes. Calls for an all-out war, fuelled by rumours that Humans intend to take over The Park, were quickly dismissed by FCSW President, Gareth Shepherd.

“We cannot afford to react until we know the full extent of the assault,” said Shepherd.

Archons unveil plans for celebration of 35th anniversary of zoocracy

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35-plus-borderThis January, The Park will begin a year-long celebration of our thirty-five years of Animal self-rule, the Archons announced today.

At a press conference this morning, Chief Archon Abayomi Tanishia Cuckoo revealed some of the plans that she said have been underway for a couple of years—and through several sets of Archons.

“This was the first file that our transition team was handed,” she said, “and we were the third set of Archons to work on it.”

And, according to Cuckoo, they will not be the last. The 2016 Archons, whose tenure ends in mid-January, will hand over the celebration’s reins to the next group of Archons.

“It would have been unfair not to allow them to contribute to a celebration of which they will be so much a part,” she said.

The plans announced today include art gallery and museum exhibitions, the publication of commemorative books and photographs, concerts, and a large number of public celebrations, full of, as Cuckoo put it, “great food and fun.”

“We’ve worked with institutions and groups including the Park Historical Society, the University of West Terrier, the Institute for the Study of Mammalian Life, and, of course, The Park Museum, to bring a wide range of experience and views to the celebration of our lives under zoocracy. But, now, we’re inviting our citizens, the great Animals who have made The Park a successful zoocracy, to share their ideas,” she said.

To this end, Cuckoo announced that the Archons, in conjunction with the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations, will host a dedicated web site to collect Park citizens’ thoughts, memories, and celebration ideas. More information on the site will be forthcoming.

“This will be a celebration of and for all,” she said.

Trees of hearts to remain intact until Winter Solstice celebration

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Tree of heartsThe Trees of Hearts, which for the past two years have lined the route Park hibernators take to their burrows, will remain intact until December’s Celebration of the Winter Solstice, it was announced yesterday.

The announcement, which came from the Department of Holidays, Festivals, and Celebrations, was received enthusiastically by The Park’s non-hibernating citizens, especially those involved in The Maple Tree Project, whose members arrange for the signing and hanging of the hearts on the trees.

“I applaud the department’s gesture,” Dewi Rhinoceros said on TMD Radio this morning. The former Chief Archon is Chair of the Board of Directors of the Centre for Interspecial Harmony, which oversees the Maple Tree Project.

“This will help all of us keep our hibernating friends in our minds and hearts throughout the Winter season,” she said.

“We must all come together now,” says newly-elected POPS Ditmar Bosmarmot

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Ditmar Bosmarmot

Ditmar Bosmarmot, 2017 POPS

The POPS election is over for this year and we must all come together now, Ditmar Bosmarmot told a massive crowd last night just minutes after he was declared the 2017 Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS).

“This has been a very difficult and contentious election. A lot of things have been said that can’t be taken back, so we must remember them and use them to make The Park a better and a more unified place,” he said.

As he and the six previous holders of the position encircled one of the farewell Trees of Hearts, Bosmarmot remarked that when he emerged again in February, zoocracy in The Park would be celebrating its thirty-fifth birthday.

“This will be a historic year for all of us,” he told the cheering crowd. “We should all be proud of ourselves for sustaining Animal self-rule against all odds. I look forward to continuing this journey with you after Groundhog Day.”

Election Office scrambles to meet today’s deadline to declare a winner

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ballot-boxThe Park Election Office (PEO) is scrambling to count all the votes cast in the November 7 election for Park Official Prognosticator of Spring (POPS) by midnight tonight in order to announce a winner before the hibernating community takes its leave for the Winter.

In an early morning interview on TMD Radio,  PEO head Gerritt Wezel said he and his team would “do anything” to avoid the situation that occurred three years ago, when the vote counting took so long that hibernation had to be postponed for weeks.

“That took its toll on the whole Park, emotionally, as well as physically,” he said.

Wezel also confirmed that he’d asked the members of the Maple Tree Project, who organize the Tree of Hearts sendoff for hibernators, to postpone the hanging of the hearts until late in the afternoon. According to Wezel, former Chief Archon Dewi Rhinoceros, who initiated the project, agreed to hold off until about five o’clock.

The election results will be broadcast across all Park media as soon as they are known.

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